I don’t need you
Anymore
I am not sure I want you either
I have untied the strings
That tied me to you
Don’t call me
Or text me
You never did anyway
I only need myself
And can make it on my own
I know we said we cared… Continue reading
Month: January 2018
My private joy
Writer's JournalI have been taking more walks these days. First it started as a way to cope, a return to a method of disconnecting from stress that I had relied on many a weekend when I lived in Monterey. Now it is seeming to become a meditative time I spend between classes or during long breaks.
Today, I took a walk to nowhere in particular, allowing myself to go wherever and through or around any building on campus. I encountered a fellow student I had not seen in while, who mouthed “Hi” and gave me a smile as we passed among others along a crosswalk. I listened to the sounds of people and cars for themselves. I meditated on the sensations of my feet, walking in the snow just to feel it crumble beneath them. I watched students board a bus as though it were the scene from a film. And I touched surfaces just to experience their texture.
Maybe Never
ScratchpadIn my little garden, I plant
Little, frail seeds in oil black soil
Whose hopes are to grow firm and rich
In fruit and vine
Emerging… again
Writer's JournalToday I emerge from the tunnel. I sought a hope and failed. Now I acknowledge I have no control and accept my failure.
This time was not as bad as the the last one. Only three months had I spent this time compared to the six months the time before. My speed at discernment is increasing: I no longer hope against the hopelessness and wait. I allow for deficiencies, but once the pattern is set, I cease to believe.