Grasping for Words

Scratchpad

Often as a writer I pour over whether what I am writing is something that should command any attention. I reach out for the ethereal words to grasp them from the semi-opaque vapors in my mind that pass for thoughts, trying earnestly to say something significant. It is nearly inexpressible how I often feel that this is an exercise in futility: I can never say it well enough. It will fail, I fear… I believe. I even wrote an untitled poem back in early March that I posted on my personal Instagram (@prramer) that spoke to this feeling of inevitable failure at words.

Living without answers

Writer's Journal

I don’t have the answers. I never will. Perhaps there are no answers. Perhaps that is what we are supposed to learn in life, if we are wise.

Those who treat leaving one’s former faith as shallowness, cowardice, or a desire to live lasciviously simply do not understand what it is like. They can only see that you “gave up.” They were not there to feel what it was like to be adrift with no rudder, no sails, and no anchor, having lost all that you thought was real, to be left hopelessly without answers.

Edging Forward in Photo 111

Writer's Journal

Going into this shoot I had a solid idea of what I wanted for my composition. I had made sketches of my ideas and chose to merge two of them into a final image. Unlike with the group projects, I did think about the idea of having elements that extend outside of the frame to suggest that there is more to the scene. I thought of this when drawing the ideas for this assignment. (I consider this an improvement to my planning over what I have done previously.)

As I Am

Scratchpad

It is gentle, soft, and white
And tender, vulnerable, and pink
Full of uncertainty but comfortable
I ask for nothing, expecting nothing
Yet there may be a home here for my soul
My heart is thankful for small gestures
I don’t know when I have ever felt so welcome
To enter and remove the coat of my privacy and self-protection
To seat my unguarded heart
To share myself
Only as I am