My private joy

Writer's Journal

I have been taking more walks these days. First it started as a way to cope, a return to a method of disconnecting from stress that I had relied on many a weekend when I lived in Monterey. Now it is seeming to become a meditative time I spend between classes or during long breaks.

Today, I took a walk to nowhere in particular, allowing myself to go wherever and through or around any building on campus. I encountered a fellow student I had not seen in while, who mouthed “Hi” and gave me a smile as we passed among others along a crosswalk. I listened to the sounds of people and cars for themselves. I meditated on the sensations of my feet, walking in the snow just to feel it crumble beneath them. I watched students board a bus as though it were the scene from a film. And I touched surfaces just to experience their texture.

Emerging… again

Writer's Journal

Today I emerge from the tunnel. I sought a hope and failed. Now I acknowledge I have no control and accept my failure.

This time was not as bad as the the last one. Only three months had I spent this time compared to the six months the time before. My speed at discernment is increasing: I no longer hope against the hopelessness and wait. I allow for deficiencies, but once the pattern is set, I cease to believe.

Am I the Art?

Writer's Journal

Saturday evening I was feeling down from a recent disappointment in my life; thus being me, I wrote poetry to work out my feelings. I plugged my headphones into my phone, started up the Pandora app on my phone, and the first song to play was B. J. Thomas’s “Raindrops Keep Fallin’ On My Head.” Given that I had just had a relationship disappointment, I found this song uncannily fitting to my feelings. Because of this, I decided I wanted to record that this song played, and thus I took a screenshot of it.

This is Winter in Reverse

Scratchpad

Today I am publishing my poem “Winter in Reverse.” This poem takes its inspiration from a previous poem that I wrote about autumn last October entitled “Autumn in Reverse”. Autumn in Reverse actually started out as a piece written for a psychology class assignment on memory. Our assignment was to write a story, poem, or other short work of exactly fifty words for others to read and see how many words they could recall after two minutes of reading it. Each student had to read someone else’s work in addition to writing their own piece.

My first time drawing in years

Scratchpad

I had been meaning to draw for, well, years. Today I finally broke out the drawing supplies and paper that I bought sometime in 2014, I think. When I set out to draw, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to draw, but I knew it had to be something more than a simple exercise. (A boring drawing of a shaded sphere comes to mind.) I decided that I didn’t want to do anything that had an analog in the real world; thus I chose to draw something abstract.