There is a newfound peace in letting go, being free inside once again. Once I was the prisoner to the unrequited affection I had to one I called my friend. Hard, so terribly hard, it was to accept that it was unbalanced, that I cared, and showed more care, than I received. The silence and neglect was unbearable, but the day came when I finally took my mother’s advice to release her, to accept that my friend she was no longer.
This is what I feared would happen
And didn’t want to happen
But did happen
I allowed myself to see possibilities
To develop feelings and grow attached
But the possibility was snatched
And fate rudely substituted
Heartache for my hope
And tears for my happiness
I will confess
I want … Continue reading
I am at that point today where I feel like I should just cry, and maybe that would be best. Today was exhausting and yet there are things I still need to work on for my classes so I don’t fall behind. I can’t help but feel like I just want to disconnect for a few hours and then go to bed.
Although some both fun and funny things happened today in the studio, the session went too long and was tiring. I didn’t sleep enough for my needs last night and the night prior, so I was tired once I arrived to school. When the studio session was over and everything put away, I felt like going home even though I still needed to make a silver gelatin print for a competition I am want to enter before the deadline on Wednesday.
I am happy to say that I finished shooting for a photo competition I am entering. The clock is ticking and the deadline nearing, but I should be able to make my print for Ilford’s Lyrically Speaking student competition tomorrow. Then I will send my print off and wait to see what happens.
Despite my happiness, I do have one issue that is bugging me. I was going to work with someone who was going to model for me, and although she agreed to do it, she never followed up with me on locking in Monday after class as our shoot. Nor did she make any attempt to just show up knowing I wanted that time for shooting. (The thing to note is that she was the one who suggested working after class on either Monday or Tuesday.)
I am grateful to have instructors whom I both like and whom I feel comfortable approaching. It feels like I am becoming part of a small community rather than going to college. The experience is markedly different in how I feel about studying photography than when I was studying nursing prerequisites. I enjoyed many of my prerequisite classes, such as chemistry, English, statistics, and microbiology, but this is just different. I seldom feel like I am learning even though that is what I am doing every day. It is hard to say why, but it seems effortless in comparison to studying other topics even though effort is necessary in these classes.
To you I come once more
To whisper in your ear my secrets
And disclose my intimate thoughts
My diary is neglected
Because to you I confess
My darkest feelings and expose
My truest fears
I have only known you a short while
But you know the most
When my … Continue reading
I don’t need you
Anymore
I am not sure I want you either
I have untied the strings
That tied me to you
Don’t call me
Or text me
You never did anyway
I only need myself
And can make it on my own
I know we said we cared… Continue reading