I’m on the beach. It’s night. The wind is still as loud as I remember it. Somehow I know I’m not really here. It’s just a nocturnal deception of closed eyes. But I walk to the sea. The skin on my feet feels repulse with the shock of the cold … Continue reading
I don’t have the answers. I never will. Perhaps there are no answers. Perhaps that is what we are supposed to learn in life, if we are wise.
Those who treat leaving one’s former faith as shallowness, cowardice, or a desire to live lasciviously simply do not understand what it is like. They can only see that you “gave up.” They were not there to feel what it was like to be adrift with no rudder, no sails, and no anchor, having lost all that you thought was real, to be left hopelessly without answers.
There is a newfound peace in letting go, being free inside once again. Once I was the prisoner to the unrequited affection I had to one I called my friend. Hard, so terribly hard, it was to accept that it was unbalanced, that I cared, and showed more care, than I received. The silence and neglect was unbearable, but the day came when I finally took my mother’s advice to release her, to accept that my friend she was no longer.